Things to do
What: Swim with sharks at the Melbourne Aquarium.
Where: At the corner of King Street and Queens Wharf Road.
Why: Aside from getting tricked into a sleep-over at Michael Jackson’s house, meeting up with a shark while swimming is the most scary thing that can ever happen to you. So, why not pay money to deliberately put yourself in that position? Brilliant! The toothy three-metre mofos in the giant tank in Melbourne’s aquarium look the real flesh-ripping deal, but they are actually harmless seven-gill and nurse sharks. That doesn’t stop you from nearly soiling your wetsuit when you first get in and see one swimming straight at you, however, so the adrenaline rush is pure quality. After you calm down it is a exhilarating experience being in the tank with the shark, stingrays and other various finned fiends. Watching all the school kids looking in at you, secretly hoping you’re going to get eaten, is also pretty amusing.
Who with: Diving Headquarters, 436 High Street, East Prahran - 03 9620 0999.
Cost: Non-Divers $349.00 (includes intro course) Certified Divers: $242.00
More: www.melbourneaquarium.com.au
What: Check out the world famous surfing spot at Bells Beach.
Where: Torquay, Victoria.
Why: Watch the world’s champion hotties slicing up some of the best surf like a carving knife. Gnarly dude. Bells Beach is about as legendary as it gets when it comes to surf locations. It is home to the Rip Curl Pro and Sun Smart Classic surfing competition, which is held every Easter and draws national and international contestants and thousands of spectators. Bells Beach is essentially a rather small bay situated between two equally unremarkable headlands. It is the swells from the Southern Ocean, which slow down and steepen over the reef-strewn shallows, that make the outstanding surf.
How: Local buses run between Geelong and Torquay via Jan Juc.
More: For more information on the Rip Curl competition call SurfVictoria (03 5261 2907)
or see www.ripcurl.com.au
What: Drive the Great Ocean Road.
Where: From Torquay running 285km west to Warrnambool, Victoria.
Why: The Great Ocean Road is Victoria’s famous southwestern coastal route. It was built between 1919 and 1932 with the idea of constructing a scenic road of world repute to rival California’s Pacific Coast Highway. The road was to be both a memorial to the soldiers who had died in World War I and an employment scheme for those who returned. The road hugs the coastline between Torquay and Apollo Bay and passes through the popular holiday towns of Anglesea and Lorne.
More: Information on all the villages and sights on the Great Ocean Road can be found on the area’s website www.greatoceanroad.org
What: Go snowboarding or skiing.
Where: The Victorian Alps.
Why: It comes as a bit of a surprise to some that this sunny southern land sees a single snowflake, let alone a ski season, but look at a world map, numbnuts, next stop after Oz is Antarctica, so of course it gets chilly. Victoria has numerous decent slopes, all within 3-5 hours driving distance of Melbourne, and you should certainly get yourselves onto the slippery track at least once while you’re here. The nightlife in the mountains kicks off as well, so stay in the lodges if you can, especially in Mount Buller and Hotham.
More: The main resorts in Victoria are Mt Buller (www.mtbuller.com.au), Mt Hotham (www.hotham.com.au), Mt Baw-Baw (www.mountbawbaw.com.au), Falls Creek (www.fallscreek.com.au) Mt Stirling (www.mtstirling.com.au), Lake Mountain (www.lakemountainresort.com.au) and Mt Buffalo (www.mtbuffalochalet.com.au).
How Far: The closest slopes to Melbourne, Lake Mountain, are only a couple of hours drive away, but the biggest and best, Mt Buller (357km) and Mt Hotham (357km), are 4-5 hour drives.
Cost: Budget for between $150-$200 per day pp for park entry, lift pass, equipment hire and food etc. Or try Let’s Go Bush Tours (03 9640 0826).
What: See all the action live at the Melbourne Cup in November.
Where: Victoria Racing Club, 400 Epsom Rd, Flemington, Victoria.
Why: You’ll find it pretty difficult not to get involved in this world famous horse race because on the first Tuesday of every November the whole nation stops. The Melbourne cup is a 145-year-old tradition that brings the whole country to a standstill – and it is even declared a public holiday so everyone can enjoy a flutter on their favourite filly. The race draws competitors from all over the world and attracts a TV audience of around 700 million people in 120 countries. Posh hats and frocks are a must to get into the spirit of the day, along with getting completely sloshed supping champagne in the scorching sunshine. The cup is the lynchpin of the Victoria Racing Club’s annual four day Cup Carnival.
When: First Tuesday of every November.
Cost: Entry costs $50.
More: For more details log onto www.vrc.net.au
What: Explore the Mediterranean café culture around Lonsdale and Lygon Streets.
Where: City Centre and Carlton, Melbourne, Victoria.
Why: It is a well known fact that if you want a bit of culture then head to the most European city in the whole of Australia, Melbourne. The city is truly multicultural, with large Greek and Italian communities who manifest themselves in the many restaurants and cafes in the city centre and Carlton. Lonsdale Street between Swanston and Russell Streets has enough dips, olives and fetta to satisfy any Greek-loving gourmand. Stop for coffee and Kok (an indulgent custard-filled biscuit topped with chocolate). Lygon Street in Carlton is the backbone of Melbourne’s Italian quarter and was one of the city’s first bohemian streets.
Where Exactly: Antipodes (195 Lonsdale Street), Medallion Café and Cakes (209 Lonsdale Street), Tiamo (303 Lygon Street).
What: See where Ned Kelly and his gang fought their last stand.
Where: Glenrowan, ‘Kelly Country’, northeast Victoria.
Why: It’s Aussie history. He was Oz’s very own Robin Hood; the crazed bushranger who became a father of Australian nationalism. He was forced to shoot and steal to protect his own kind. Kelly and his gang of merrymen shot dead three police officers at Stringybark Creek in 1878 and robbed banks at Euroa and Jerilderie. Then they were captured during a siege at Glenrowan before Kelly was hanged at the Old Melbourne Gaol. Oh, such is life. You can actually learn a bit more about Kelly at Kellyland – an over the top animated theatre – or at the Ned Kelly Memorial Museum and Homestead.
Who with: Kellyland, 03 5766 2367 or the Ned Kelly Memorial Museum and Homestead, 03 5766 2448.
Cost: Kellyland, $20; Museum and Homestead, $3.
What: Go and see a game of Aussie Rules.
Where: At the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG) or Telstra Stadium.
Why: Despite looking like the kind of game made-up in the playground, this sport actually has everything you could ask for in a team pursuit – especially fighting. In a nutshell: two teams of 18 big blokes knock seven-shades of shite out of each other on a cricket oval, pausing occasionally to try and boot an oval-shaped ball between the two inner posts, out of a collection of four at either end of the pitch. Games are split into quarters and last forever, allowing plenty of time for beer and pie runs. And, get this, it’s impossible to be sent off! Anything goes - a bit like Rollerball, but with less wheels and more mullets.
How: Get the train to Richmond for games at the MCG, or to Spencer Street Station for matches at the Telstra Dome.
More: Check out http://afl.com.au for a greater understanding of the rules, and fixtures.
Prices: Tickets on the gate are about $17+, or try Hotel Bakpak’s all-inclusive Footy tour for $35. Try 1800 645 200.
What: Cycle the bike paths around Port Phillip Bay.
Where: Along Melbourne’s foreshore, from Port Melbourne to Mordialloc.
Why: Because there is literally no better way to see Melbourne’s inner-city coastline than astride a bike. The bike paths are in brilliant condition, keeping you safe and sound, and because the track skirts the shore there are hardly any hills involved. Melbourne’s beaches are often criticised, particularly by people who have only ever seen St Kilda, but there are great stretches of sand beyond that, in places like Elwood, Brighton, Sandringham and Blackrock. Cycle out, have a few beers in the Sandringham Hotel, and get the train back. Going the other way, you can get a bicycle punt from just past Port Melbourne over to Williamstown and do some exploring there. Or do a few laps of Albert Park. And yes, you do have to wear a dopey helmet.
How: Loads of places hire out bikes, try St Kilda Cycles (03 9534 3074) or contact Bicycle Victoria (www.bv.com.au 03 8636 8888) for the closest one to you.
Cost: Will range between $20 and $60 depending on the quality of bike. You’ll also need a deposit, usually a credit card and some photo ID.
What: Shop ‘til you pop in Australia’s fashion capital.
Where: Fitzroy, Richmond, Prahran or South Yarra, Melbourne.
Why: Because Melbourne is a shopper’s heaven whether you’re into chic or retro there will be a bargain in one of the city’s many shopping havens. Big name labels and high street fashion are best found along Collins Street. If you’re into something unique by an Australian fashion designer, then head to Little Collins Street. Greville St in Prahran is the place for second-hand vintage gear and designer outlets and Fitzroy offers a similar shebang. Richmond has mainstream fashion at bargain bucket prices and Chapel St in South Yarra has a reputation as Melbourne’s premier style strip.
Cost: Whack it on the credit card.
What: Grab a bargain in the numerous factory outlet and seconds stores in Melbourne.
Where: In Richmond, Collingwood and Cheltenham.
Why: As well as being the cultural and sporting heart of Australia, Melbourne is also famous for the quality of its shopping. All the dedicated followers of fashion may parade up and down the boutiques of Chapel Street, but those with an eye for a bargain will sniff out the cut-price deals at the various factory outlets around the city. For those on public transport the most central are found on Church Street in Richmond, and along Smith Street in Collingwood. Richmond has all sorts, particularly shoes, but Smith Street is best for sporting gear and outdoor wear. Kathmandu have a clearance store on Smith Street, and Adidas have a factory outlet opposite. People with a car should check out the Direct Factory Outlet (DFO) complex in Cheltenham, where hundreds of well-known shops drop their prices quicker than Paris Hilton drops her pants.
More: Check out www.dfo.com.au or call 03 9583 0344 for more info.
What: Check out a band at one of Melbourne’s top live music pubs.
Where: The Espy (St Kilda), The Corner Hotel (Richmond), The Prince of Wales (St Kilda), The Builders Arms (Fitzroy), The Tote (Collingwood), The Northcote Social Club (Northcote) and many others.
Why: Melbourne is a cultural oasis, and is the creative heartbeat of the nation. As such they churn out many top bands and artists, like Jet, Nick Cave and Craig McLachlan. Unlike Sydney, the city also still has a shed-load of pubs where live bands can cut their teeth in front of a real beer-swilling audience. The best Aussie bands and top international acts play small intimate live shows in these venues, with lager-sticky carpets and ale on tap; this is the way to see live music.
How: Call metlink on 131 638 for directions.
More: Keep an eye on the BB Guide in your British Balls! for good band listings, and listen to Triple J on 107.4FM.
Prices: Vary, but tickets are always way cheaper than in larger venues.
What: Point and squeal at Fairy Penguins as they leg it up the beach at dusk on Phillip Island.
Where: Phillip Island, Victoria.
Why: Because these babies have nailed the cutesy-wutesy waddle down to a fine art and are simply irresistible. Fairy penguins are the smallest penguin species in the world and the poor little blighters have to catch 14 times their weight in food to feed their offspring. Every evening at Summerland Beach, the penguins emerge from the sea and swagger up the beach to their nests. This is Victoria’s biggest tourist attraction so expect crowds.
Cost: $17.90.
How: Pay at the visitor’s centre at Summerland Beach, but be sure to book ahead (03 59 51 2800)
How Do I Get There: V/Line buses (www.vline.com.au) run daily from Melbourne.
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